Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Group

A Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Group will meet at 9 a.m. on Sept. 2 and Sept. 16 at 434 South Poplar in Centralia.

Illinois Department on Aging's GRG program was established in 1996. Marion County's group began in 2002. In 2007, there were 90 groups statewide. Kinship caregivers come in all ages, young, retired and everywhere in-between, with one thing in common: raising children you did not expect to raise. This is usually grandparents, but could be any relative raising a child. The reasons are varied: death, military deployment, incarceration, financial issues, physical or mental illness, substance abuse, physical abuse or other unsafe environment.

Group members share problems and successes. The group members have similar experiences and can offer encouragement, emotional support, and can give you the advantage of their knowledge of resources available to those providing kinship care. You can freely discuss issues and feelings that you have in an environment that is confidential and shared by others who may have similar issues and feelings. Most who attend a group report that the greatest benefit is feeling that they are no longer alone, and that they have a peer group who understands the problems as well as the joys of kinship care.

Guest speakers provide helpful information. The group as a whole can and has had an impact on needed legislation and legal issues. GRG encourages you to take care of yourself in order to better care for the children who need you.

For more information, call Kay at 533-4300. This group is presented by Senior Services of Marion County with the cooperation of local agencies and schools with no age, family, or residential restrictions and no charge.

On Sept. 2, Representative John Cavaletto will meet with the group to discuss needs and issues of raising a relative child. Representative Cavaletto is open to suggestions and willing to-draft legislation needed for grandparents. On Sept. 16, Superintendent of Raccoon School Matt Renaud will meet with the group to discuss school issues.

Did You Know??
Under the McKinney-Vento Program, children living with grandparents or other relatives without the benefit of the kinship caregiver having legal guardianship or custody are eligible for:

• Immediate enrollment even without school records;
• Fee waivers
• Free lunches
• Help with transportation to school to the school of choice if the relative lives in a different district than the child previously attended
• Tutoring
• Supplies (including hygienic needs) and clothing to meet school requirements
• Participation in all school activities.

TIDBITS: PARENTING TIPS

It takes years to learn effective parenting. It is even more difficult when it has been years since we have been in a parental role. Our job of raising children is to teach self control and self worth and to be responsible adults when the time comes. It is never too early or too late to start teaching. Here are some tips:

• Be consistent, infallible, fair, and reliable. This means be certain that you can enforce a request or consequence if necessary. You must be willing to follow through with what you say. Don't show your weakness by making statements you don't really mean, making rules you can't enforce, or promises you can't or won't keep. Don't waver back and forth when children try to bargain.
• Be sure boundaries, rules, and requests are stated clearly and are understood. You may try having the child repeat what he/she thinks you said to be sure it is understood. State "If you do (misbehavior) , then (consequence) will happen. So to be sure you understand, tell me what I said."
• Be calm. Respond to bad behavior immediately and expect compliance at the first request. Don't teach your child how many times you will repeat something before you expect compliance. However, if you can't enforce what you are saying, drop it. Don't nag, threaten, plead, or expect to "talk some sense into" him/her. Don't "over-punish." Pick your battles and let the children make minor choices so they can learn to make major decisions.
• Be consistent. Repeat the same lesson as many times as necessary for the child to accept it. Be patient, but consistent. Again, don't teach your child that if they persist, you will eventually give in. The more consistent you are, the quicker the child learns that you are consistent and reliable. Remember, children will test you over and over at all ages.
• Separate the child from the action. Love the child without accepting the action/misbehavior.
• Don't threaten or bribe. Both teach the child to be devious and manipulative. The best reward is attention and affection. Ignoring attention getting behavior is the quickest way to eliminate it. Even negative attention is attention focused on the child.
• Cooperate with your spouse or other adults parenting the child. Don't let the child create a split between you or use your power against the other adult(s), including teachers. Children soon learn how to use adults against each other if they can.
• Set an example. Your children will imitate you, for better or worse.